The first thing that goes missing is usually small. A few bills from the kitchen drawer, a card that is not where it was, a ring that has moved to a different dish. Each loss can be explained away, which is why these losses run so long. Families who catch them early have a simple record and a calm conversation. Families who catch them late have a fight and a gap in the file.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

What the early pattern looks like

  • Cash or cards are harder to find, or the amount you expected is not there.
  • Jewelry or small valuables are moved, or one piece is gone while the rest sit in place.
  • Papers, checkbooks, or account letters are disturbed or go missing.
  • A visitor or helper seems to know where things are kept before anyone showed them.

Any single item is weak evidence. A run of small losses in the same room, during the same kind of visit, is worth taking seriously.

Count before you accuse

Before you name anyone, make the record. List each valuable, where it is kept, and what it looked like the last time you saw it. Keep a running log with each entry and what you actually observed, not what you think it means. Ask the other people who use the home whether they moved the item. The person being helped may have put something in a new place, and that happens often enough to rule out first. If memory changes are part of the picture, say so to the family’s doctor. Do not treat a memory question as a theft question, and do not treat a theft question as a memory question.

What to put in writing

Once the log has real entries, send a short written note to the agency. Keep it factual: what is missing, where it was kept, and when you last saw it. Ask what the agency will do to look into it. Keep the exchange on paper so there is a record of every answer.

Questions to ask every agency before you sign

  • How do you screen staff, and what checks run before the first visit?
  • Do your aides handle cash, cards, or checkbooks at all?
  • Do you have a written policy for personal items in the home, and what does it say?
  • When a family reports a missing item, who takes the report, who answers it, and by what route?
  • Do you rotate staff, and can the family ask for a different aide?

If an agency will not answer these in writing, record that silence as a finding.

Lock up what you can

Keep cash, spare cards, checkbooks, and jewelry in a locked place that the helper does not need to open. Watch the bank and card statements yourself, or have a person you trust watch them with you. Set alerts on any account where the bank offers them. None of this accuses anyone. It just shrinks the number of things that can go missing.

When to call for outside help

If the log shows a clear pattern, report it to the police and send the same report in writing to the agency. For questions about the household’s accounts, start with the bank. Keep copies of everything you send and everything you receive.